Failure

Failure

Melissa Jean 

“What we perceive as a failure may simply be our inner being’s way of telling us that we are ready to move to a new level of growth”

Yes, there have been times in my life that I have felt like a failure; many times actually, but each time that I have felt like that there is a small voice whispering “Keep trying,” and I do.  I believe failing is an opportunity to learn from a mistake, big or small, to grow as an individual and to renew yourself spiritually and emotionally.

There was a time in my life when I felt like a huge failure and as if my whole life was ending.  A three year romantic relationship that I had been involved in ended, and ended badly.  We had been living together.  To be honest, this man was my first long-term, committed relationship and I loved him dearly.  He was my entire world.  When our relationship ended I was utterly devastated.  My reasons for leaving him were valid as I was losing myself, and him, to his alcoholism.  I had delivered an ultimatum, either me or the alcohol, and he chose the alcohol. 

I made the decision to leave him with a clear mind.  I left our apartment with nothing but my clothes and a few odds and ends.  I literally had no furniture or household items to my name.  With the amazing support of my family, I found an apartment and brought the necessities to make a home for myself; and I loved that apartment dearly.  This was also the first time that I had ever lived alone and I was petrified of every smallest bump in the night.

Over the next year, and what a painful year it was, I grieved for the loss of my relationship, my innocence and my idealism.  I felt like a failure because I felt like I had lost everything that was dear to me, including the very essence of my being, my very soul, in deciding to leave him.  Over time I learned about my strength, my character and what became my core values to love, respect, and honor myself.  I believe that if one does not love oneself first, you are incapable of truly loving and caring for someone else.  

So yes, I did feel like an utter failure at the end of my relationship, but I also recognize that it was my inner being urging me forward to where I needed to be.  I emerged from that experience stronger, fiercer, and remaining true to the very best that is within me.  In the end I found my way home to me.