Why I Write

Why I Write

Melissa J. Dallago

The blank page has always beckoned me with its siren call.  When I was growing up, I kept a journal, and unlike the other kids, I enjoyed the writing assignments given to us in school.  I had an active imagination that often got me into trouble, and writing was a safe way for me to release it.

When I was a teenager I had dreams of writing the next great novel.  It involved a girl, a demon and a little book of spells and the resultant damage caused by the three.  I spent hours happily writing.  I pictured myself sitting at my first book signing while my many fans waited to catch a glimpse of me.  I never finished the project because my attention span was short, and I grew frustrated when I realized just how hard writing was.  It was at that point that I developed a severe case of writer’s block.  The blank page still called to me, but I had lost interest in answering it.

When I reached my 30s it was as if a dam had broken and all of these ideas and images came bursting forth.  My mind was flooded, and I couldn’t write fast enough.  The subjects that I wrote about were political in nature.  This was after September 11^th, and my American patriotism was strong.  I filled page upon page of my ideas of what it meant to be an American, what our founding fathers had imagined for our nation, and my thoughts on where we had gone wrong.  I never shared my writing with anyone because I was afraid of their reaction or outright laughter.  I was a closet writer filling the blank pages one after another, but telling no one.

Writing became my private escape as I started journaling.  I spent hours pouring out my heart and soul, filling my notebooks with my emotions, thoughts, and opinions.  Writing became a private hobby, something I did in my spare time.  

My desire to pursue writing openly was born after my dad died in 2010; death creating life in a figurative way.  I realized how fragile life was, and that our days on this earth are limited.  I decided to stop hiding my words from the eyes of others.  Writing also saved me after my dad passed away by helping me to release my emotions and pain onto the blank page.  I wrote about my grief, my dad’s life and how his death affected me and my family.  Writing became a way of honoring his memory, and hopefully a way of offering support to others. 

I no longer write in private.  I write to escape, to rant, and to share my knowledge, but mostly I write just because I want to.  I share my words in the hope that my thoughts offer support, enjoyment and insight to others.  I proudly say that I am an aspiring writer with no fear of recriminations.  The blank pages will always beckon and now I gladly answer their call.

Existential Crisis

Existential Crisis

Melissa Dallago

Every day there are questions.

I question whether it is worth it;

I question why I must fight for my happiness; and

I question why the powers that be can make things so damn hard.

Every day is a struggle.

I struggle with my own demons;

I struggle with other people’s demons; and

I struggle to find goodness and light in what is usually a chaotically cruel world.

Every day is a challenge.

For me to keep a positive attitude;

To smile; and

To believe in something bigger than my tiny existence.

Every day is an affirmation of my faith.

Each sunrise is a promise of a new day;

Each act of kindness and unselfishness I witness reaffirms goodness; and

Each moment that I am alive and breathing in a beautiful, vibrant world confirms a higher power’s touch.

Each day is an existential crisis for me. 

I struggle to believe in something bigger, more meaningful and grander than I.

The fact that I struggle gives me faith that one day, I will understand

why I am challenged, why I struggle, and why I hope for greater things.

Faith in a higher power, in beauty, and light and hope is what keeps me going, and makes my crisis worth it.

Don't Eat Yellow Snow

Don’t Eat Yellow Snow

Melissa J. Dallago

If I could offer you only one tip for the future it would be, don’t eat yellow snow.  The long term benefits of not eating yellow snow have been proven by science.  Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own experience, I will dispense this advice now.

Measure twice, cut once.  Better to be safe than sorry.  Smile.

Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t deserve you.  Always strive to be the best person you can be.

Learn everything; expand your knowledge about the world around you.  No matter how unimportant it may seem, you never know when it can save you, or at least make you sound intelligent during a casual conversation.

Breath.

As Shakespeare wrote, “To thine ownself be true.”  Love yourself.  You are a beautiful, unique and vibrant creature, inside and out.

Practice moderation; excess can be found anywhere.  Celebrate the world around you; live in it, embrace it, and most of all treasure it for it is all we have.

Enjoy nature.  Watch a sunset, and yes get up early and watch a sunrise.  There is nothing like being there for the promise of a new day.

Treat others as you would want to be treated.  Respect differences, and agree to disagree.

Celebrate.

Don’t be afraid to try something.  Failure is an opportunity to learn from your mistakes.  Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

Love your family because you will miss them when they are gone.  Cherish the friends you have, as long as they deserve it.

Be patient.

Horrible things will happen.  You will be blind-sided at any point in your life.  You will feel that the issue is insurmountable, but that is not true.  The best way to get through it, whatever it may be, is a step at a time, and trust that you will emerge on the other side.

Life is a roller coaster, filled with highs and lows; sit down, and hang on for the ride.  Just know that the times of sadness in your life will help you to appreciate the times of happiness that will follow.

You are not perfect, and never will be so stop trying.  Moments are perfect, not people.  Accept and love yourself for who you are.  If there is something that you want to change, change it.

Dance.

Love and respect your partner with all of your heart as long as they are reciprocating it in kind.  If they aren’t, then communicate.

Know when to let go of things.  We all worry, we all have baggage, but sometimes, you have to let it go to ease your burden, and free yourself to move onto the next phase of your life.

Don’t live in the past.  They call it the past for a reason; live life a day at a time, and try to focus on the future.

Learn from your mistakes.

Express yourself.  You have a voice, use it.  Don’t be afraid to speak your mind, everyone has an opinion, but you opinions matter too.

Tell people how you feel about them every day.  Tell them you care because you never know when it will be your time.

Go to the doctor.

Believe you are worthy.  Be kind to yourself, and others.

Be proud of who you are, and stand up for what you believe in.  Realize you are worth it.  And finally and perhaps most importantly, laugh loud and often.  Laughter is what helps keep us sane.

But trust me, most important of all, is not to eat yellow snow.

A Drive Through Music

A Ride Through Music

Melissa J. Dallago

            Music is an essential part of our lives; its lyrics and melodies covey so much meaning and depth.  It has the power to move us emotionally, spiritually and make us leap up and dance.  Music is everywhere, surrounding us.

            I know that music is an integral party of my life, and there are certain songs that I am strongly connected to.  Whenever I hear them they remind me of my highs and lows.  Music has healed me after a fall, brought back memories of times gone by, and helped my spirit sour with joy.

            There are times in my life when I am bothered about an issue and I turn to my favorite music for support.  I just choose the random option on my MP3 player and let it play.  It is amazing, and eerie, how the music that plays somehow always has the answer.

            Today on my way home from work, I plugged in my player as usual.  I was in a calm and reflective mood, so I decided to see where my music would take me.  These are the songs that played and what they made me think of:

            “Simple Man” by Lynyrd Skynyrd.  This song is for David.  He is a simple, yet complex man.  I picture David’s dad telling him “troubles will come and they will pass.  You’ll find a woman, you’ll find love, and don’t forget son, there is someone above.”

            “Woman Down” by Alanis Morissette.  This song reminds me to be a strong woman, who should not take any crap.  It talks about our mothers, sisters, and friends being the beaten down mentally and emotionally by how others treat them.  It is best captured in the line, “Next woman down was your lover.  She takes your spite at value face.  Even her hair length and color, gives you the impulse to repeat.”

            “Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina and The Waves.  “I’m walking on sunshine, oh yeah, I feel the love, I feel the love that’s really real.  I feel alive, I feel the love.”  No explanation necessary here!

            “Werewolves in London” by Warren Zevon.  My dad and I always listened to this song together.  He passed away two years ago, but I smile and laugh whenever I remember us howling to the music like wannabe werewolves.

            “You Could Be Happy” by Snow Patrol.  This song reminds me of an old relationship that ended badly.  A long time ago this song made me sad, but now, when I hear it I smile, because there is no longer any ill will.  The lyrics “Do the things that you always wanted to.  Without me there to hold you back, don’t think just do.  More than anything I want to see you girl, take a glorious bite out of the whole world” are especially true because I want nothing but happiness for him in his life.

            And finally, “I Won’t Give Up” by Jason Mraz.  This song is for David and I; it speaks volumes of our love, and our dedication to each other.  “I won’t give up on us.  Even if the skies get rough.  I’m giving you all my love.  I’m still looking up.” 

            There you have it.  I strolled down memory lane as I listened to these songs.  I released old pain, celebrated girl power, respected my other, better half, giggled with my dad, and felt warm and gushy about my lover.  I think that’s not a bad playlist for my drive home.  Music that is full of affirmation and love.  Music that put a smile on my face as David greeted me at the door, or maybe that was just him.

            I highly recommend trying this the next time you listen to your MP3 player.  Just hit random and see what comes out.  Music is the complete package that can move us in many ways; it can free us, ease our burden, and reaffirm our existence.  Here is to the musicians of the world!  Celebrate and honor them because without their talents our world would truly be a dark and dreary place.