Picture a glass on a table; on the table there is a glass filled with water, but only about halfway to the top.  As you see the glass what strikes you about it?  If you’re an optimist you would view the glass as being half full, while if you’re a pessimist you would see it has being half empty.  We all are familiar with this adage of conveying whether we view a situation, or life, as either being positive or negative.  I’m of the later variety; although I like to add my own twist to my life view.  I like to think that I’m a reformed optimist, who became a pessimist and ultimately became a realist.

Frankly, I have always feared the eternal optimists.  I cannot understand how they maintain such a positive outlook no matter the dire situation they may be in.  Their house could have been burned to the ground in a fire, their earthly possessions blown to the four corners of the earth, and yet they maintain such a positive outlook and belief, and yes faith that everything will work out; that everything happens for a reason and they are protected and guided by the higher power.  I respect these individual so highly that I feel unworthy to even stand near them, as if my pessimism and negativity will somehow alter them.

Then again I am not special as we have all lived rich and varied lives; we have all had our shares of upsets, tragedies and hurt.  We have had experienced events that have shaped us, affected us and helped us to become the people that we are.  Yet, it is how we view those events that will dictate how we allow them to affect us.  If we are the optimist we see it as a blessing in disguise, a way to help us on the path of where we need to be, we will find the silver lining in the gray clouds whirling around us; and if we are the pessimist then all we see is gray dreariness, the bleakness of the situation and no way out of the situation but through our own perseveres.  We pessimists feel as if life is out to get us, while the optimists view life as an adventure and call the events that happen a mere plot twist in their lives.  

As I said, I wasn’t always like this.  When I was a little girl I believed in the good of all man, I still do although my view has become tarnished over the years.  I believed that all things were good in the world, that no matter how messed up my life got, and it got plenty messy, that it would work out and I would land on my feet.  I had faith in a higher power, a belief, much like the optimists, that I would be guided out of the turmoil and into greener and safer pastures.  I viewed that glass sitting on the table as being half full.  I was an optimist until I reached my early 20s.

I can say in looking back over my life that I have lived through things that often only happen once in a person’s life.  I have been through hell and back so many times that I am quite familiar with the scenery.  First let me begin by saying that I am not special or any different from any of my fellow humans.  The events that occurred in my life and how they affected me are by my own choices.  I lay no blame and have no regrets.  Yet I am also of the mind that each person’s issues and problems are unique to them and cannot be compared or contrasted to each other.  This isn’t a question of my problems are bigger than yours, yet they are uniquely my experiences and are therefore a big deal to me.

Life has been knocked down more times that I can count, but each time I have gotten up and went on, but I immediately view the negative side of the situation that is facing me.  The end of a relationship well he was an asshole, he deserves it, or I deserve better.  Watching my father and mother battle through his myriad health issues; my dad doesn’t deserve it, something bad is going to happen, always negative, always planning for the worst and maybe hoping for the best if I still had the strength.  Having my heart broken and mistreated, I deserved it, I was never going to find Mr. Right, I was destined to be alone.  Yep, you get the idea, no matter the situation, either a minor bump or a major, life altering event, reacting pessimistically was my default setting.  No matter what bump in the road occurred, my world was ending and much like Chicken Little the sky was falling.

I staggered my way through life ever the consummate pessimist, happy to sit in my muck crying oh woe is me.  In my defense, whenever adversity arose in my life, I would fight my way through it, much like a heavy weight championship title fight.  I would lurk in my corner and come out jabbing, and usually I would win the bout beaten and bloodied, but the clear winner.  I had beaten life at its own game, but oh what a struggle it was.

So I traveled the pessimism road for the majority of my life, and my often companion was bitterness who started to show up later on as I let my negativity eat at me.  As the years passed, I began to watch the optimists around me.  I saw them happy and smiling, and going about life in what appeared to be a carefree manner.  I smirked and thought to myself, boy now there goes a bunch have happy people who have no clue what is about to hit them.  I thought I was in on the true reality of life; that life was hard, mean and trouble was always just around the corner.

My mindset came from years of strife that I had experienced.  Mind you most of it was my own doing; but I didn’t necessarily thing that.  I just thought that some higher power was out to get me come hell or high water, plus I walked around with a chip on my shoulder that was the size of Texas.  I wasn’t a nice person, nor did I really desire to change my ways.

As I continued my meager existence I began to watch the optimists and a small part of me was envious of them.  They seemed to be on a big secret, even deeper than the one that I had thought I had discovered.  They faced strife, sometimes a hell of sight worse than anything I had ever faced, yet they approached it openly, without fear and believed there was a purpose to their turmoil.  As I watched them I began to try to figure out what I thought their secret was: faith and a positive outlook on life, you know the whole glass half full thing.

As time passed and I began to reflect on the error of my ways, I discovered a shocking secret ever darker than the harsh reality of life; I was allowing my pessimism, bitterness and anger to eat me alive.  No wonder I felt half-human, no wonder I felt like an outsider; my negativity was burrowing deeper and deeper into me and coloring my perspective on life with drab colors of gray and black, very little vivid colors were present.

After must self-reflection and a lot of trial and error of trying to adjust my outlook, I shift from an blanket pessimist to a realist, borderline optimist.  I have seen too many real things in my life that are mean and hard and therefore I can’t necessarily become an eternal optimist and have utter faith in the higher purpose.  Don’t get me wrong I believe in God, and I acknowledge that there are forces around me that I will not be able to understand, but I have just seen the underbelly of life a little too often to forsake my former ways like a repent sinner. 

Yet I know there is a higher, a noble purpose to life; a spark of humility and compassion that is seen amongst the people around me.  I have accepted that part of optimism into my life, and welcome it.  I no longer feel on the outskirts of living my life and allowing things to happen, now I try to make things happen and live my life to the best of my ability each and every day.  So now when something bad happens, and it will, my initial reaction is a pessimistic one, hey its part my nature, but now instead of crying that the world as I know it is over, I pause and take a deep breath.  My second reaction is to have faith that there is a purpose here and it will work out, and my third reaction is to be realistic about the situation and plan for the worst, yet always hoping and believing that the best will come.

It doesn’t hurt that my other half is the eternal optimist who gives me the kick in the butt I need to stay on my new track.  I sometimes cannot comprehend how he always stays so positive about the situation, no matter how dire it may be.  He truly believes with all of his being that everything always works out for the best.  He amazes me.

The one lesson that I have taken from the good old adage about the glass, is that how you view life and its ups and downs is really all about perspective.